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Upgrade your body with plastic nano-reactors

Boost insulin, treat cancer, even change your skin colour without DNA

Meier Inc of Switzerland have launched their new range of body upgrades just in time for the summer holiday season. You won’t need sunblock – a simple injection provides built-in skin protection, or the ability to vary your tan like a chameleon.

What makes these upgrades revolutionary is the fact that they use no genetic manipulations whatsoever. The cells of the body have internal compartments called organelles to carry out many specialized metabolic functions. Meir uses artificial polymer organelles to upgrade live human cells in your body.

“We call it a ‘nanoreactor’,” says Wolfgang Meier. “We load our vesicles with programmed reactions that operate inside your cells.”

The nano-capsules contain enzymes, just like natural organelles. The enzymes chosen produce various beneficial results, with the ability to treat diabetes, cancers or abnormal metabolic functions.

Even basic hormonal activity can be precisely regulated, making Viagra redundant.

“We can already change your hair and skin; soon you’ll be able to choose the colour of your eyes, or improve your hearing, without genetics,” says Meier.

And because the nano-reactors are organic polymers, they can be programmed to be short-lived and easily absorbed by the body, ensuring the effects are reversible and temporary.

This means no side-effects, as well as being ideal for treating chronic conditions.

But the best part is you don’t even have to visit the clinic. They just download your details from Google Health, and you can order your custom upgrades online. Now a designer body is just a few clicks away!

Warning: Hazardous thinking at work

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