FAILURE TO LAUNCH SINKS JAPAN

No sex please, we're Japanese

Celibacy syndrome in Japan is causing the population to plummet, and now it’s going into free fall.

Most young women of the marrying age would rather go shopping with each other than have sex with a boyfriend. And the sophisticated, urbane men they count as friends are mainly gay. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association found that 67% of women aged 16-24 were not interested in or despised sexual contact.

Men are equally repulsed by the idea of sex, and prefer karaoke bars and digital entertainments to physical contact. Virtual girlfriends and love-bots are wildly popular. It avoids all sorts of social awkwardness.

This love affair with celibacy is causing Japan’s declining population to age prematurely. Young adults are living with their parents until the age of 40 or more, and their parents are happy to have them, as they increasingly need old-age care.

In many ways, Japan’s platonic disease is symptomatic of the malaise affecting affluent societies world-wide. Techno driven hipsters are consumed with fashion and fads, ultra brand conscious, and lacking the engagement skills to pursue romance. It’s almost as if the western materialist lifestyle is trying to eradicate the species responsible!

There are just no babies to replenish the workforce, which is why this has been declared a national disaster. Corporate giants like Sony and Canon turn off the lights at 7pm in an effort to get their staff to go home and make babies, but it hasn’t helped.

Government programs include ‘love counsellors’ and actively promoting promiscuity, but that’s not working either! Importing nubile young adults from Thailand, and putting Viagra in the water has been suggested, as Japan’s population – and economy – continue to sink.

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