Scientists have discovered the secret to happiness, and it’s all in the genes. Buried in the sequence of ‘junk’ DNA that all humans possess in their genome, is a latent genetic trigger for joy. It just needs to be switched on.

We’ve known for ages that people get turned on to happiness in different ways. Sometimes it’s just great weather and sunshine; or laughter and good company. Your happiness gene can be triggered by endorphins from a workout, or stimulated by good food, fine wine, or something more exotic like marijuana.

But now scientists have discovered how to activate the joyful gene in anyone, by subtle light pulses from LED lamps. At a particular wavelength and frequency, unnoticeable to the eye, these pulses code your nervous system to unleash happiness from your DNA.

This discovery will revolutionize the treatment of clinical depression. Throw away those drugs and anti-depressant herbs. Just install the latest happiness light-bulbs and dance the night away! Because it works equally well through the skin, you can even get the benefit of happy rays while you sleep. Happy light baths – like a tanning booth – will give you a super pick-me-up if your genes are reticent.

Chinese lighting innovator Yeelight said their JoyLight bulbs, which connect to your smartphone for happiness monitoring, will be available from Xiaomi next month. Analysts say this is happy news for the global economy, as people will be more productive, but bad for the pharma giants whose drugs become obsolete.