A revolutionary solution to the global obesity problem has been approved for human trials. Gene therapy company Verve Therapeutics has developed a vaccine for well, fat. Based on CRISPR DNA-editing technology, the new vaccine targets a gene expressed in the brain, which encodes a protein that regulates appetite.

A simple jab switches the order of two nucleobases in our DNA, lowering our blood sugar response, and reversing the craving for more good-tasting food. After just a few forkfuls of pasta or a dozen French fries you’re absolutely satiated, and can’t face another mouthful; but your appetite for lettuce and broccoli remains untouched, ensuring you get your vitamins and minerals.

This is a game-changer for everyone who has ever struggled to keep their weight in check, or been told to “exercise more and eat less!” Now you can take the vax against maxing out your body mass, and eat whatever you like, whenever you like. Doctors, dieticians, and health authorities are rejoicing, as obesity is the number one lifestyle disease worldwide, and costs the economy trillions in lost productivity, treatment, care, and premature death.

With hundreds of millions of people eagerly awaiting the availability of the ‘fat jab’, Verve has issued a cautionary note. Lab tests have revealed that the vaccine requires a periodic ‘update’ to switch the genes back to ‘normal’ to avoid unpleasant side-effects. As such, Verve will offer the treatment purely on a subscription plan, and failure to renew your subscription will mean you lose all the benefits.

Purveyors of wonder diets, ‘fat-burning’ supplements, and exercise programs guaranteed to help you lose weight and stay slim, are part of a trillion-dollar slimming industry. They risk irrelevance in the face of this new technology, with Verve becoming the next pharma mega-cap stock to dominate the market, challenging the likes of Apple and Tesla for top spot.

So, if you can afford the subscription, forget the flab and take the jab!